HEY CreativeMornings!: 39 Things We Wish We’d Realized Sooner

A few weeks ago, we introduced Hey CreativeMornings!, our experiment for swapping knowledge and recommendations with you, our people. Every other week, we’ve posed a question in our Weekly Highlights newsletter and here on the CreativeMornings blog, and we invited you to email us with your answer.

When we called on you to answer the sixth question in the series — What is something you know now, but wish you had realized sooner? — you filled our inbox with heartfelt reflections and hard-won wisdom that you wanted to pass along in the hopes that the lessons you’ve learned will help others at different parts of the journey through life.

(If you didn’t get a chance to email us with your realizations, it’s not too late! Share your wisdom in the comments section below.)

“Embrace the weird,” one submitter wrote. Trust yourself. Reset boundaries. Look within yourself for happiness. Bust through self-imposed restrictions. The CreativeMornings community wrote in with lessons and realizations about all these things. Other recurring themes included building self confidence, seeking feedback, pausing and changing directions, choice and agency, facing difficult conversations, and finding ways to live lives that pulse with love and joy. As another person put it, “The time we have is a gift.”

Here you’ll find the submissions gathered together into a handy list, in no particular order. Comb through it and you might just find the nudge or lesson you need.

1) Embrace the weird.

“Trust your instincts, Tracy. You have an uncanny ability to spot and craft a creative direction before most folks connect the dots. Learn how to articulate your perspective in a business setting. (It’s easier than you think and you’re allowed to make mistakes.) And stop worrying about being weird. You’ve always been weird. Embrace the weird and people are going to love you for it.” —Tracy R.

2) Be a regular.

“Become a regular! Go to the same places all the time, build relationships, and it will pay off. Become Norm in Cheers — go where everyone knows your name!” — Glen L.

3) Your attention is valuable.

“You can stop reading a book halfway through or turn off a movie if you don’t like it. Your attention is valuable.” — Kate B.

4) Honor and trust yourself.

“I realized that I’d have to break some of my closest relationships to have deep and significant breakthrough in my creative practice. You will experience grief, heartache, doubt, and anxiety when you (re)set your boundaries. But you always have to honour and trust yourself first. The delirious joy, creative freedom, and unexpected abundance that flow from that? Indescribable!” — Taku M.

“Be you! That is your superpower.” — Geraldine

5) There are no rules.

“I wish I had known that there are no rules! For context, I am an illustrator and designer and pretty early in my career path. I am mostly self-taught. I’ve tried to figure out what hidden ‘rules’ I follow that are keeping me from practicing drawing and working on my projects. For example, I had thought that I had to wait until I mastered the skills of drawing and painting and so on before I could try to break into the illustration industry. But really learning as you go is the way. It’s not always easy figuring out what hidden rules are blocking my creativity or holding me back, but learning to uncover them and break them has been very helpful in progressing me toward my artistic and creative career goals.” — Iris Q.

6) It’s a matter of perspective.

“When you encounter an obstacle, don’t say something negative too soon. Think about the solution with a big heart and just do it. There’s no right and wrong in every decision. In the end, it is only a result. Right and wrong only depends on how you see it.” — Cynthia T.

7) Obscurity is a gift.

“Embrace the gift of obscurity. Take your time to experiment without constantly seeking attention for everything.” — Emily S.

8) Be brave.

“Everything we do or see is always at the right place, time, and space. I do wish I learned to be brave and go after my dream. I let life get in the way. I am going after it with purpose and confidence.” — Danice M.

9) Know when to quit.

“When it’s time to go, go.” — Lisa S.

10) Stop and change directions.

“The advice I would give myself decades ago is to STOP! Change directions! Make your passion happen! Three years into a Bachelor’s degree in theater production and design,  I realized it wasn’t a wise path. At the time I didn’t have the courage to change my major. So, I tried to make it work and ended up broke and unhappy for ten years.

Finally, in my early thirties I did what I should have done in my teens or early twenties: I took a career assessment test and discovered four career areas I had the talent to pursue. I took an evening community college class in each of those four areas and I loved one of them a lot. It was architecture, and I got accepted to a Master’s degree program. Back then architecture was very male-dominated so I was scared, but I did it anyway. From the first day of architecture school until graduation at age 37, I felt as if I was in heaven. It was hard but worth it. I found the perfect job, after a few bad ones, and I loved going to work each day for decades. I raised a happy family because I was a happy mother, doing what I loved both at work and at home. I am now retired and I still feel as if I’m the luckiest person in the world.” — Rebecca G.

11) Be gentle with yourself.

“I wish I had realized sooner what love is. And what freedom is. In fact, I’m in the process of discovering freedom and self care. Be gentle with yourself. I know what patience is, but I need to realize how and when I must use it. Life is a long path and we always will be learning new things and wishing that we had realized sooner. But sooner is not better. Everything comes when the right time comes. And everything happens for a reason. So if you think about it, I wouldn’t wish I had realized sooner. It’s been fantastic to feel and discover what (true) love is later than sooner.” — Marta P.

12) You get to decide how to feel.

“I have learned to be joyful about the things I choose to do and find more reward in the things I must do. In my younger years, I always knew what I wanted, but often listened to/heard the negative words of others which crushed my desires and spirit. Once I realized it was in my power to decide how I felt about things, I started to implement joy in everything I do — whether a creative project or daily task — and will continue to do so while living life fully.” — Paula S.

“Nobody and make you feel something. You can. Only you.” — Brian C.

13) Value your own opinion.

“I wish I had realized sooner that my opinion is the one that matters most. The thoughts of others shaped me so much that I lost my identity. It was when I finally listened to myself that I started living the life I envisioned for me.” — Jennifer F.

14) Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay.

“Some people not liking me has nothing to do with me and not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. Spent too much time worried about that because of situations when I was younger. Also, I wish I had learned or known about the inner critic voice a lot sooner. I feel I would be further along on my artistic journey at the tender age of 44, but I guess better late than never, right?”— Rayna H.

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” — Courtney C.

15) Other people’s knee-jerk reactions have nothing to do with you. 

“After many years of reacting negatively to remarks of friends or relatives, I’ve learned that in most cases, there’s no need to take their remarks personally. Each person has an emotional history, which gives them a view of the world and how they should expect to be treated, shaped by how they were treated during their childhood and formative years, and by intense, pivotal experiences in their later life. I’ve learned that unless they’ve been reconditioned to be more self-aware, to listen deeply, and to focus on the person they are talking to, they will bring their world view to each exchange and even to honest conversation, which can often result in a knee-jerk reaction that is a defense mechanism. […] I’ve learned that hurtful or angry remarks are in a way, automatic, directed outward at anyone in their range, not necessarily directed at me. […] I’ve also realized that if their view of the world gets too intense, I must practice self-love and distance myself from them, limiting communication until I feel more comfortable in our interactions.” — Bailey B.

16) Learn about attachment theory.

“If I were to give my past self advice I would say to read the book Attached. I spent so much energy in relationships trying to please my partner, rather than evaluating if they were actually a good fit for me. If I would have known about attachment theory earlier, I think my whole life would have been different.” — Jennifer S.

17) Tend to your inner world.

“It’s only when we change our relationship with ourselves can we change our relationship with everything else in our lives.” — Rishabh D.

“Your outer world reflects your inner world.” — Tina R.

18) Happiness and empowerment comes from the work you do inside yourself.

“Something I now know: dreams and goals can be severely limiting, can paralyze you, and make you sad. Hanging your happiness on an external factor – like some notion of success in a narrow trade or creative field – can limit your choices, and make you unhappy. Understand that happiness and empowerment come from the work you do inside yourself, from taking ownership of life and making tough decisions. Don’t be scared of letting go of dreams that no longer serve you – it’s not selling out, it’s looking after your own wellbeing. ” — Chris B.

19) Everything is part of the journey.

“I know now, after decades as a professional creative, that everything is part of the journey. Setbacks, jobs that don’t quite fit, trying clients, letdowns, cancelled projects — it’s all integral to who we need to be as creative individuals. The bad is uncomfortable and downright depressing sometimes, but it’s almost more important in shaping who we’ll become than the fun, easy stuff. And though I still hope for more good than bad, I recognize everything is a valuable learning experience.” — Rachael S.

20) Have compassion for your own path.

“I wish I had known I really was smart and okay and I wish I had had more empathy for my own personal path. All in all, I am super grateful for all these life experiences that ended up being me now.” — Megan M.

21) Failure is a teacher.

“No matter how much advice you take, no matter how many resources you’ve got in order to achieve your goals, you have to go through everything by yourself. No person can take you by the hand and guide you and get you through whatever problem you’re dealing with or hand you the skill you want to get. You have to fail, because failure is teaching you all the things you need to learn in order to succeed. So, fail more (in the beginning at least) and do so fearlessly!” — Eleni G.

22) Being older doesn’t necessarily mean being wiser.

“Adults are boring. I wish I knew sooner there is no correlation between aging and becoming smarter or funnier. From countless meetings and discussions with grownups, I have realized at some point they just grow older, not wiser. Yes, the older you get the more experience you have, but very few use this opportunity to do good or even change for the better. This has made me realize I need a far better approach when reaching out and engaging the lost grownups. For most adults, it is too late so the action needs to happen before they jump the cogwheel. At least have fun while running. Tomorrow I turn 49… It won’t be boring!” — Hans G.

23) Make space for the people and things you love.

“If I could tell myself anything ten years ago, it would be this: Be more deliberate about carving out a path to make space for the things and people I love, and get rid of the rest. I just turned 35, and at 25, I certainly didn’t have much of a sense of urgency regarding how to understand what makes me truly happy. As a minimalist vegan for more than four years, I continue to better understand and embrace the idea that less is more, especially when it comes to exploring and fostering my creative voice. The more time and energy I spend on things that don’t fill my cup, whatever that may be, means less emotional capital I have left for expressing myself. If I’ve learned anything from the past year, it’s that the time we have is a gift. And that we can’t waste time building up the societal perception of who we should be. Genuine growth and acceptance have to come from within.” — Drew K.

24) Ask, “Does this fill me up?”

“For me, I wish I had known that following your passion doesn’t always lead to the most fulfilling career. There are so many other factors, such as lifestyle and natural skill sets, that I ignored for a really long time. I’ve begun to learn that energy is most important of all. I now ask myself, ‘Does this fill me back up again?’” — Victoria H.

25) Devote the “right effort” to your endeavors.

“I now understand the value, importance, and grace of right effort, but wish I had realized this sooner. I’m a classic perfectionist and have spent most of my life believing that maximum effort was the path to success. But maximum effort is a path to burnout (mine) and frustration (my waiting clients). I’m getting better at finding harmony in devoting an appropriate amount of expertise and time to each project.” — Katherine D.

26) A large project can be broken into smaller projects. 

“I wish I had realized sooner that I work best in small projects, and that any large project can be broken into smaller projects. If I’d learned that earlier, and had trained my supervisors to manage me in that way, I’d have made so much more progress.” — Niel M.

27) Ask for the style of feedback that is most helpful for you.

“Find out if you are a person who prefers that feedback be gentle, mostly positive, and supportive, or if you prefer feedback that focuses on what could be improved and how, regardless of how sugar-coated it is or not. Learn which you prefer and be vocal about it. Ask for the style of feedback that is most helpful for you. Learn which others prefer and do your best to provide it to them.” — Gwenna

28) Give yourself feedback.

“Feedback is best when it builds on what you have. And it is best when it teaches you to become objective about your own work, and be able to give yourself the feedback you need to improve.” — Rawan

29) Actively speak up for yourself.

“For most of my life (I’m 64), I have been passive about speaking up for myself. I thought it was easier to just go with the flow, to accept what happens in life, to compromise more than what was fair and to avoid confrontation. But as I have aged I have gained the skills needed to speak up. These skills came from my corporate job and the training they gave managers to have the ‘hard conversations’ with employees. In these training sessions the presenter would say, ‘You can use the skills you learn here outside of work, too.’ I found that after the first hard conversation with my sister about how we avoid talking about things that might hurt our feelings our talk brought us closer together. I still will avoid hard conversations, but more and more I speak up and I try to have a conversation where both parties talk, listen, and really hear what is being said. […] I make myself and what I want/need be heard. And to do that I sometimes have to have those hard conversations with the people I love.” — Rebecca E.

30) You are beautiful.

“Dear old me, You are beautiful. You always were and will always be. One day, your thoughts will be on the pages of books and magazines and you will be admired. You are so beautiful, one day the girls you grew up with will inject fat in their lips and put implants in their butts to look like you. They will also want to have your caramel chocolate skin and they’ll spend hours under tanning beds to try to get that beautiful color God gave you. Little girl…. Don’t cry anymore. You are beautiful and I love you.” — Kurma M.

31) What makes growth sweet is the time and effort it took.

“There is no value in wishing that something happened earlier or differently. On the contrary, I thank my past self for enduring whatever she had to endure to take me where I am today. What makes growth sweet is the time and effort it took you to get there.” — Zornitsa L. 

32) Take action despite feeling afraid.

“Many of my heroes built fulfilling creative lives despite feeling like imposters. I assumed ‘successful’ artists were wildly self-confident and acted from a place of surety. I would not have wasted years waiting to feel something that still feels fake if I’d known this. I now desire to be courageous and act while being afraid and unsure.” — Anthony C.

33) Perfection is the enemy of the good.

“Because I work in a field where iteration is not only expected but welcomed, trying for perfect on draft one was always unrealistic and delayed timelines and launches. I’m better now at scoping and letting things go, especially if I know I can impact them later.” — Sara

34) Keep a promise to yourself.

“Keeping your word to yourself will help you build self confidence and self esteem — and you can start with something really simple, like making your bed every day.” — Volta

35) Work is work.

“When an employer tells you, ‘We’re a family,’ that is actually a lie.” — Julie K.

36) As a creative, learn business skills.

“I wish I had known that I had it in me to learn the business side, as much as the creative part, of building my business. I’ve long believed that I am terrible at numbers and while that’s been true in the past, it’s also true that I’ve taught myself a lot of new things in the last three years, and this is a skill that can be learnt, too. Now I'm  learning to lean into my numbers side. A lot of creatives don’t want to look at that side of the business and it’s why a lot of amazing businesses fail after a few years.” — Bindu N.

37) Make money work for you.

“Learn how to make your money work for you when you’re young. Money is worth so much more when time is on your side. I wish my goals and dreams throughout my twenties weren’t limited by how much money I needed or thought I would make.” — Krissy O.

“Investing really isn’t overwhelming. You can literally invest a dollar or two every month and it’s so much better than doing nothing because you think you’re not ready.” — Lori S.

38) Build space into your schedule.

“Spacious scheduling. Creating more space in my schedule allows for more meaningful work.” — Claudia D.

39) There will never be a better time to start.

“There will never be a better time to start. I’m a serial procrastinator, always looking for more information, more expertise, a bigger window of time before I start a creative project. It stems from a fear of failure and a need to be perfect. But the truth is, I will never be perfect, the future is busier than I think it will be, and I already have the tools to start. So start now, whatever it is.” — Tara S.

Note: Submissions have been lightly edited for length and clarity.

---

What’s something you know now, but wish you had realized sooner? Share your reflections in the comments section below.

---